Memories in a mirror
by leo143
Summary: Severus Snape longs to see his Lily again, and shall do anything to do so, but what shall happen when he finds it is wrong? Please R&R idea from song by Three doors Down-When I'm gone.


A figure walked swiftly through the darkness of the corridors, enguled in black, no light illuminating his path. He took large strides, footsteps almost memorized by this point. He had a special task tonight, one that he had been dedicated to repeating every night, perhaps to insure his sanity, perhaps, rather, the opposite. Noone knew where his dark walks led him, noone would dare to question. Besides, he was but a phantom, and he had yet to be caught roaming around at night. Sometimes he found he was searching for something, other times he simply walked around to clear his thoughts. Not tonight though, tonight he had a purpose. To visit the mirror of Erised, and more importantly, who it beheld when the mirror was directed in his direction. Lily.

At the thought of her name, images of the past flew past him. He could see her in her teenage years standing before him, arms crossed and eyes holding worry. _You can't do this Severus, you cannot join his side. _Her thoughts almost radiated from those emerald green eyes. Thoughts that Severus wished she had spoken, perhaps to change his as he stood before this memory now, gazing down at the younger Lily, he wished for everything in his power to change the past. He wanted to be the one she wanted him to be. He never sought to let her down, to cause dissapointment, or heartache for himself. He sighed, and raised his hand, reaching out to place it on her shoulder, but in that instance, she dissapeared, and he again realized his solitude in the darkness of the hallway, which moments ago, seemed so illuminated by the memory.

He walked on down the hallway, silent steps as his black cloak swayed ever so slightly. He passed an intersecting hallway,and another memory came to life, as a first year Lily ran to meet him, wrapping her arms around him in happiness. He tried to wrap his own around her, but found they simply went unmet through the air, and they dropped at his side as she turned and with a smile, walked away, towards a group of Gryffindors waiting. He found himself following with an outstretched arm for a few steps. Severus shook her head, and they too vanished, and he turned back to his quest into the night. It was so hard, so difficult to think of the past and how close they were. Perhaps it really was taking a toll on his mental state. None the less, he continued on.

It didn't take long before he passed another place full of memories, casing him to hault at a window, looking outside. He saw himself floating in the air upside down, while James and the Marauders laughed hysterically. And here came Lily, madder than a hornet, to save him. He watched the scene unfold before him as it had in the past, though he tried not to listen to the conversation. Though of course, he heard the words, the words that had crushed his heart and soul. "Filthy mudblood!" His teenage voice rang out, and he was lowered as the taunters moved to the now hurt Lily's aide. Severus watched her gaze, from hurt to pain, to anger. He saw himself standing in shock, wanting to apologize, wanting to have her correct him, yet he never said anything, as she turned and dissapeared from the spot, and from his life. She would never hold him again, never care for him again, and it was all his fault. As his gaze followed the memory out the window by the tall tree, the people vanished again into thin air, the memory completed. How he wished to erase it. He turned from the window, and found a tear trickling down his face. eyes narrowed, he wiped it away, a scowl again replacing the hurt frown.

He continued walked in the never ending corridor, until he reached the stairs. He muttered a spell, as he stepped up them, and their destination changed, as they shifted and lowered, landing infront of a new passage. He exited the stairs, and came to a door, which he again muttered a spell, and it unlocked. He entered and closed the door behind him, casting a locking charm, as he stepped forward. The room was completely dark as was the rest of the castle, but Severus quickly illuminated the tip of his wand, and directed several beams of light to nearby candles, which lit instantly. In the middle of the room, now shining in faint light, stood a large familiar mirror. It was none other than The Mirror of Erised, which showed the onlooker their most deep desires. Severus took the familiar spot, and gazed into the mirror. Again, Lily came into view, now unable to dissapear into thin air, unless Severus chose to walk away. she was an adult in the reflection, and once again her eyes were lit with the glow of happiness, deeper than friendship, instead, beholding love.

Snape staggered forward a bit, his face contorted into one of agony and pain, as he watched her. He placed his hand on the mirror for support, his gaze turning down. When he got enough strength to gaze into her eyes again, he saw her hand held up to the glass to match his. He took a deep breathe, as another tear found its way sweeping down his face, though he did not both to remove it. Instead, she made a motion to, as if trying to clean it off, though impossible. "I love you." He whispered lowly, almost inaudibly. She listened, and nodded, mouthing the same words back. Severus then stepped back. It seemed wrong. This was not an accurate portrail, for Lily did not love him, at least not anymore, and in this picture, she was simply an image of what Severus sought to behold. It was wrong, it was sick in his mind, to continue coming back to his fantasy. And yet he could not stop himself from seeing those emerald green eyes each night. Perhaps Dumbledore should remove the mirror, though that would cause Severus to only seek it out again, as he had recently done so. No, something else must be done, though it broke his heart to think of it. He stood tall before the mirror, his black eyes sorrowed. The reflection looked concerned, and Severus took a step back. "I am sorry Lily..I am so sorry. but this is not real, and it never shall be." With that he raised his wand, and muttered a loud spell, which knocked him off his feet. The mirror shook and a loud shattering caused Severus to look up when he had landed, as the large graceful mirror exploded into a thousand pieces, as his heart once did, landing on the ground before him, as the mighty frame tumbled backwards. At once he found himself clawing to get up, to see her in the pieces, to apologize for being a monster, but when he looked down at the remains, no picture formed, no reflection, simply darkness...

Somewhat based off the song: When I'm gone, by Three doors down:

There's another world inside of me that you may never see  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide  
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find  
Maybe it's too far away, maybe I'm just blind  
Maybe I'm just blind

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could  
I'd give up everything if only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared you won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone

When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin  
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends  
And roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone  
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could  
I'd give up everything if only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone

Maybe I'm just blind

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could  
I'd give up everything if only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone, whoa  
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone  
When I'm gone, when I'm gone


End file.
